Kathy Lacy – a woman of huge empathy who inspired thousands

It was with great sadness that I heard of Kathy Lacy’s death last Thursday after she’d been through a series of very difficult health problems. I’d seen her a fortnight ago and she was clearly in agony so it was a mercy.

I first met Kathy (pictured above) at Victoria Station in July 1992 three months after Changing Faces was launched. She had been recommended by a mutual friend who knew I was looking for someone to help me deal with all the enquiries I was receiving and run the workshops we were inventing too.

Kathy was working in health education in London at that time and had, according to my friend, completely mastered her condition – a severe form of Nf1, Neurofibromatosis, which meant that she had what she sometimes referred to as ‘lumps and bumps’ all over her face and body.

Victoria Station was a good choice of venue as it turned out because I could see instantly as I approached her in the coffee shop that she was completely unphased by the reactions of those around her. She greeted me with all the warmth and interest that I soon came to realise were her hallmarks. Despite all the intrusions and bad times she had been through, she had evolved the most wonderful way of seeing the very best in people – and of showing that very directly.

It didn’t take me more than a few minutes to realise that I could work with her – and indeed that I wanted her on the team – as my very first freelancer – and she was soon to become a full-time member of staff, a rock for nearly a decade in what we offered to people and families who contacted us for help. They were looking for someone who understood what they were going through – after the birth of their child, or with their skin condition or facial palsy, or after facial cancer surgery, burns or a car accident. Kathy understood instinctively and intuitively.

Her philosophy of life was a simple one summed up in one of her favourite epithets – and she had lots of them! “The past is gone, the future is yet to come, the present is truly a gift to be enjoyed”… and she passed that on to everyone by osmosis. And her osmosis was extraordinary. People have told me that Kathy could convey her empathy down the phone line like no-one else. Her person-centred approach – she trained with Metanoia and NLP – enabled her to reach people even those in the most serious unhappiness and isolation.

In the first few years, we ran lots of workshops together – and then Kathy ran many on her own. They were always stimulating events bringing people with disfigurements of all kinds together and enabling them, after two intense days, to live life more fully and confidently. People regularly wrote (no email in those days) afterwards thanking her for her kindness and empowerment. She was great one for saying to clients that you have to have tenacity – she had it in spades. Another of her mottos was “there’s no such thing as failure, only feedback” and anyone who had a setback – or experienced the kind of intrusions that she knew only too well – was just unable to resist her certainty! Learn from your experience and move on.

In her nine years at Changing Faces before she retired, Kathy touched the lives of many people – and left a lasting legacy in the Client Service we now have which she was so rightly proud to have pioneered.

Kathy, rest in peace, you earned it.

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